How To Make a Male Polyamorous Relationship Work | Out Magazine

Published March 9, 2013 by Tjchase

WATCH: How To Make a Male Polyamorous Relationship Work

4.26.2012

BY NILO TABRIZY AND SUVRO BANERJI

‘I could never do that,’ is usually the first thing a bystander will state when he finds out someone is in a three-person or more relationship. But why do some people seem to thrive in such an arrangement?

Franco DiLuzio and Mark Lander met while working at G-Lounge, a club in the in New York City’s Chelsea neighborhood. Five years later, they were married. But two months after their wedding, everything changed for the happily married couple.

After a few chats online via a male dating site, Franco met Vinny Vega, a 24-year-old fashion photography student at the Fashion Institute of Technology. What went from a casual hook upturned into a serious, closed polyamorous relationship. Franco, Mark, and Vinny have been together for two years.

“I talk about my boyfriends proudly,” Vega explains. “I know it’s hard for people to accept. I don’t really care if people accept me or not.”

There’s an age gap within their relationship: DiLuzio is 45, Lander is 41, and at 24, Vinny is the youngest. As the men explain candidly, this age difference creates different dynamics between the three of them.

“My relationship with Mark is lover and husband. And my relationship with Vinny is lover and son—even though there’s a sexual aspect to it,” DiLuzio says. “I think the type of nurturing we both give to Vinny is more of a parental kind of guideline, as well as a boyfriend guideline.”

While this relationship works for the three of them, there have been critics along the way. Lander admits that most people have a negative opinion about them.

“I find that gay men have the most problem with it. Whereas my straight friends look at it and say, ‘oh, there’s three of you now!’ And the gay friends were more wanting to have that traditional guideline,” DiLuzio says, explaining that their gay friends often looked up to his relationship with Lander as an example of a strong, monogamous relationship.

But for DiLuzio, he doesn’t think that Vega was brought into his relationship with Lander because something was missing. “I still believe that Mark and I have a strong relationship. And bringing Vinny in was an addition to the relationship,” DiLuzio says.

Even though they’ve only been together for two years, Vega feels he can see himself together with DiLuzio and Lander for the next 20.

“I don’t think I can ever leave because I am very much in love with Franco and Mark,” Vega says. “I feel like they are the two pieces of my heart.”

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